Making My Way Home
by Black-Panther lover
Summary: Louis was in a relationship with Carl years ago before Rebecca. They split up because Louis had an affair with Rebecca and she became pregnant but lost that child before they later had w years later Louis knows his marriage to her was mistake and is trying to make his way home. If Carl can ever forgive him for hurting him the way he did. Carl/Louis


I don't own Crossing Lines or its characters. I don't make any money from this if I did I would be living a life of a lot more luxury. If you sue you will only get two dogs, two cats, and a turtle to feed. So you know, up to you, hope you enjoy!

 **Rating** : MA. It IS me were talking about, so there will be angst and drama as well.

 **Pairing/s** : Louis/Carl (main), Tommy/Sebastian (as a side pairing)

 **Warnings** : I'm not going to lie any problem reading the fic is mine despite all the work bas_math_girl put in making this readable for you. This is the first fic I wrote in near two years after tons of really bad health issues so I hope it's good. It is slash fiction meaning male/male partners/lovers. If that's not your cup of tea **,** please don't read any further and please don't leave a review complaining about it being slash as I have warned you twice by this point about it. To those who continue reading I hope you enjoy and please leave feedback.

 **Summary** : Louis was in a relationship with Carl years ago before Rebecca. They split up because Louis had an affair with Rebecca and she became pregnant but lost that child before they later had Etienne. (Etienne isn't dead, but he is in the hospital in a coma that he will never wake from. By who and why follow the story line.) Now years later Louis knows his marriage to her was mistake and is trying to make his way home. If Carl can ever forgive him for hurting him the way he did.

 ** _Making My Way Home_**

 _ **Chapter One** :_ _Goodbye_

 _Louis POV_

Sighing I pace back toward the window and look out it. I can hear Rebecca crying in the living room behind me. I don't feel anything for her anymore. Not like I did in the past and even then it was more a duty then a marriage, now it is even less and I know it needs to stop. We both need to stop hurting.

"I'm sorry that this hurts you **,** Rebecca but can you honestly say that this surprises you?" I ask her gently but am unable to turn to look at her. Not out of shame or fear or hurt but guilt. I don't want her to see how much I want to be anywhere but here with her. How much I want to be by my partner's side instead of her.

"We can work through this, Louis. We have gone through so much together. I don't understand why you want to give up now. What has changed since you told me that nothing would ever change how you felt about me?" she asks me, and I can hear the desperation in her voice.

A pain stabs at my heart thinking of my son in that bed never waking up, but I don't blame her. We both do dangerous work and it could have been because of me just as easily.

"I don't blame you for Etienne; nobody could have known what would happen because of that trial. Nor could we have let that monster get away with what he did to those women. They deserved to get justice from the court. That's not what this is about," I tell her honestly **,** wanting her to understand I don't blame her for what happened to our son.

"Then tell me why, please. I deserve to know why you're leaving me all alone. Why you're deserting me," she begs me to tell her why I came home today and told her it was over that I couldn't do this anymore.

I can still feel his blood flowing past my fingers as it escaped his body; begging him not to leave me, not again. I can still hear his strained voice as he whispered that he wasn't the one who ran away.

"I can't run away anymore, Rebecca. I'm sorry I hurt you. I am. I'm sorrier still that I hurt him. I can't do it any more, Rebecca. I almost lost him today. I was holding him in my arms as he was dying, and the damnedest thing was all I could think was he couldn't die. Not yet, not when we haven't gotten back together like we should have years ago, like I wanted to since I saw him again in Amsterdam. I don't want to wait any longer to go home; though I am sure he will put up a fight, it's one worth fighting. He is worth it," I tell her honestly because she deserves to know and because she works with us, so she would find out eventually on her own and it would be better this way.

"Hickman? This is about him? You're leaving me for that mess? You left him because he wasn't good enough for you. You didn't want him before, remember? You chose me over him all those years ago," she yelled at me and I did turn around then.

He isn't here to defend himself, but I am, and I will, like I should have so long ago.

"Don't, just don't talk about him. You don't know what you're talking about. He is a good man who has done nothing but care for me; even when I didn't deserve it," I tell her, angrier at myself then her.

It was I who ran away years ago when I should have stayed. It was I who hid in the shadows watching him and his career.

"He never even tried to fight for you! Back then you came to me and he never even bothered to call, or ask why, or beg you to stay. Even now with him working with you, I was watching and nothing. So why all of the sudden do you think he wants a relationship at all?" Rebecca asks me, sounding desperate and angry.

"I'm not even going to go into how wrong it is that you were spying on our friends, Rebecca, but I never said that he tried to get with me since being here. I never said he said anything. I said I needed to be real and true with myself and that is that we got together because of the child, and if it hadn't of been for that me and Carl would have made it through my betrayal. He is my home, always has been. I don't know if he will forgive me, but I must try. I love him," I tell her honestly before moving past her and into the room to gather some clothing.

"What are you doing, Louis?" I hear her behind me.

"I will not contest anything you want in the divorce. I am sure I put you through more than your share of pain and I am sorry. When he wakes up in a couple of hours I will be by his bedside. If I am lucky he will let me stay at his side the rest of my life," I tell her of my plans so as not to hurt her any further than she will be already by being blindsided.

"Where will you go?" she asks me quietly.

"If I am honest I wish to stay with Carl, and I will eventually. As soon as I can convince him to give me, to give us, another chance," I tell her as I gather my luggage up and head toward the front door.

"I am sorry that I hurt you, Rebecca. I never meant to do that, but more than anything I don't want to lose any more time we could have together. Goodbye," I tell her before leaving the house and heading towards the hospital, and my future, our future.

 **END OF CHAPTER ONE!**

I hope you all enjoyed chapter one of Making My Way Home. The Next Chapter will be in the hospital with Carl and Louis. Thank you, bas_math_girl for taking such good care of my work and making it readable to other people. Please leave a review; it's always nice to know what people think of your work.


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